Personal Thoughts

While I was doing some painting earlier – of the decorating sort, not the hobby sort – I came across the realisation that I’ve let other people influence who I am and what I am doing.

I have put off personal project for an unwarranted ‘fear’ of upsetting people. I’ve let other peoples paranoia dictate what I am doing. A turn of phrase here or a surname there and I’ve had the finger of ‘You’re staling from me’ influence projects that I have had with me; but unworked upon for many years. My fears have been pushed the a point because the fingers come from people that once inspired me and that I looked up too – and coming to the realisation that they’ve got nothing on me has taken a long time.

This is the internet; look up these terms on google and you don’t get the people that I’ve been running scared from; you get DnD character builds or Film directors, infamous brothers, alcoholic beverages or things along those lines.

Even this more recent ‘fear’ of being completely overwhelmed by someone has had me changing what I am doing. And the stupid thing is, I was actually happy running along with my characters and projects before these things came along and sucked the enjoyment out of it – to the point (with furry at least) I don’t feel like I can ever enjoy it in the same way again; at least it feels that way at the moment.

I was scared. I am still scared sometimes, to think about certain cahracters and projects, and for what? Some idiot o the otehr side of a PC screen pointing fingers and throwing hissy fits cause they can’t see past their own noses?
I shouldn’t have let the things I enjoy be tainted by outside influences; not ones that can’t really do me any harm. I’m not interested enough in silly internet high-school bullshit; point your fingers, call me whatever the hell you like – no longer am I going to stop doing the things I enjoy just because other people want me too or are to self centred or paranoid that they think everything is theirs in the first place.

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Sorry I have been a bit neglectful when it comes to posting on here.

I want it to be because I’ve been mindlessly busy since moving – which to a certain extent I have been, but I also think it’s because I’ve been hiding too. Having thoughts that I wanted to try and figure out before I started posting here again. There was an absolutely massive focus on my art before I moved house; and after too – but I ‘crashed’ today.

I hit my limit and just feel like detaching from everything anthro and furry; yet at the same time, I don’t want to because most of my following is from the furry fandom. Yet, as always when I try and get into anthro/furry stuff something comes along to put me off. And it’s usually the same thing; ungrateful turds that just want to use and abuse, get something for free or act like an absolute arsehole to people while egotistically claiming they are an “Art Messiah.”

It’s my own fault, like always, for trying to get closer to people and build my own sort of following on websites like DevArt or Tumblr. It’s either too much because I seem to attract people I’d rather not; or it’s a reminder that ‘Fiction is better than reality’

I wish I could be the sort of person that could upload and share art to a website; like dA, and be content with that. Not interact with people or even try to make ‘friends’ just, share and go. I might have to give it a try. Upload something; log off and move on? Because I can’t keep going on the way I am; it’s draining and stupid!

I’ve thought a bit about it this afternoon before writing this. I’ll always love anthro/furry art; it’s home so I’ll never stop drawing it completely. That and Warhammer 40K doesn’t have enough Tits and Ass for me too really enjoy for the long term. Space Marine Pin Ups can only get me so far and really, my biggest following is for the anthro stuff. It’s a bit of a conundrum really.

 

My own biggest fan – series.

The My Own Biggest Fan series of posts on here are something I have enjoyed doing in the past, and are something I would love to pick up again.

It’s basically where I get to talk about my own characters and how they have changed and developed over the time that I have had them.

I’m wondering if this is a topic anyone would be interested in reading about? Making up a category and seeing what I can put in it and who to write about, etc. I’ve just felt that lately, I’ve been a bit on the quiet side and have just been posting pictures rather than saying anything and it might be a good way to get a conversation going again.

What do you think?

Sorry things have been a little quite on the talking front on here the past few days. My son hasn’t been feeling very well and to be honest, I don’t always know what to say about my pictures when I share them.

I always felt like I should be this ultra chatty person, because this is a blog and it’s for sharing opinions on, right?

But, constantly finding something to say about my pictures – which are all essentially pin-ups and very similar in content – isn’t easy.

I feel like I should say something, cause it all feels a little flat at the moment, but there we go. I’d love to answer questions or something like that, but in order to do so, I need to get them!

Maybe… talk a bit about the characters that I post about? Which would work, if I was sharing pictures of my own characters. I’ll have to have a bit of a draft and see what I can think up.

Blogging Branding – You want what!?

Hello again everyone.

I think this part of the Blogging University is where I need to be super objective and look over all the wonderful background stat stuff and see whats popular and what-not.

The most popular post on this blog; throughout the many years it has been this one. I know it’s because of the Dark Heresy resource on it! Other popular posts are generally centred on Warhammer and hobby related activities – I think that this could be that it’s a popular ‘thing’ anyway. There are a lot of hobbiests out there and it’s awesome seeing what others do and being able to share my own stuff and have people interested in it is really nice.

When it comes to tags and categories though, it’s art. Which makes me the happiest ever! So, I am thinking that the direction of the blog should be art and hobby related. There are some posts and categories I have on the side bar that I’ve not used/posted under for a good few months, so I might have to have a bit of a spring clean and remove some of them – and expand on the ones that I have left! Like, Movie Reviews (July 2016) clearly, I’m not so into that anymore and because it’s not adding a great deal to the blog, I don’t think it’s really needed anymore. Video Gaming (March 2017) is also in a similar boat! As is Writing (Feb 2017) so there are some options for streamlining there.

Some input on this would be wonderful!
When you come to my blog, what is it you come to read? What is it you look for?

Incidentally, the most commented on stuff if stuff from my personal life and drama!

A relapse.

I’ve had a bit of an internet relapse lately. I thought if I reintroduced myself to websites slowly, that things would be okay.

But, in actual fact, I don’t think they are. Spending too much time on them again. This time, I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been enjoying the drawing prompts and getting ideas off other people, but I don’t feel like I am in control of the ‘moderation’ aspect of my internet use anymore.

Is it time to step away again already and just come back to this place? I feel like an alcoholic going back to the bottle. I enjoy it while I am doing it, but am filled with regret for it afterwards.

Either way, I feel like I am being controlled by things online again, so I’m going to try and just do some drawings – start on the next Primarch in the series, maybe just do a few small critter doodles and get on with life away from this-here-internet again.

Inquisitor Jenn and Heretic Deb

progresscolours

It’s only been a few weeks since I drew anything like this and I already feel well out of practise.

But here we are, some fan art for Inquisitor Jenn and Heretic Deb who are characters over on Abaddon and Teal

I know it’s not my best work, but it felt nice to draw something Hobby related again after the few Primarchs I drew – which I will resume when I am feeling less ‘out of practise’

There is another thought to add to this post though and I hate to drag down a gift-art post, but it’s sorta, maybe relevant?
Since picking things back up here and getting back into the hobby full swing, I’ve honestly questioned myself. For a while I wanted to be seen as a credible and ‘real’ artist. But, what does that even mean? Am I less of an artist because I draw characters in the way that I do? I think it speaks volumes the amount of time I’ve been drawing characters; it’s something that I always return to and yet, I’ve always held this overwhelming sense of shame with it – maybe because I know there are a lot better people out there at it than I am. But, does that matter? Clearly, this is where my soul keeps returning.
Sure, I like painting and dabbling in other things, but try as I might to deny myself the chance to draw characters, I return to it. Always. There has to be something in that?

Then there is that ‘elephant in the room’ does everything have to come down to money?

If I am happy drawing characters, why am I trying to replace it with something else?