Personal Thoughts

While I was doing some painting earlier – of the decorating sort, not the hobby sort – I came across the realisation that I’ve let other people influence who I am and what I am doing.

I have put off personal project for an unwarranted ‘fear’ of upsetting people. I’ve let other peoples paranoia dictate what I am doing. A turn of phrase here or a surname there and I’ve had the finger of ‘You’re staling from me’ influence projects that I have had with me; but unworked upon for many years. My fears have been pushed the a point because the fingers come from people that once inspired me and that I looked up too – and coming to the realisation that they’ve got nothing on me has taken a long time.

This is the internet; look up these terms on google and you don’t get the people that I’ve been running scared from; you get DnD character builds or Film directors, infamous brothers, alcoholic beverages or things along those lines.

Even this more recent ‘fear’ of being completely overwhelmed by someone has had me changing what I am doing. And the stupid thing is, I was actually happy running along with my characters and projects before these things came along and sucked the enjoyment out of it – to the point (with furry at least) I don’t feel like I can ever enjoy it in the same way again; at least it feels that way at the moment.

I was scared. I am still scared sometimes, to think about certain cahracters and projects, and for what? Some idiot o the otehr side of a PC screen pointing fingers and throwing hissy fits cause they can’t see past their own noses?
I shouldn’t have let the things I enjoy be tainted by outside influences; not ones that can’t really do me any harm. I’m not interested enough in silly internet high-school bullshit; point your fingers, call me whatever the hell you like – no longer am I going to stop doing the things I enjoy just because other people want me too or are to self centred or paranoid that they think everything is theirs in the first place.

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Sorry things have been a little quite on the talking front on here the past few days. My son hasn’t been feeling very well and to be honest, I don’t always know what to say about my pictures when I share them.

I always felt like I should be this ultra chatty person, because this is a blog and it’s for sharing opinions on, right?

But, constantly finding something to say about my pictures – which are all essentially pin-ups and very similar in content – isn’t easy.

I feel like I should say something, cause it all feels a little flat at the moment, but there we go. I’d love to answer questions or something like that, but in order to do so, I need to get them!

Maybe… talk a bit about the characters that I post about? Which would work, if I was sharing pictures of my own characters. I’ll have to have a bit of a draft and see what I can think up.

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Looks like Photovember fizzled out for me; but I lasted longer than I thought I would.

It wasn’t for lack of enjoyment of taking photographs again, but more for the fact that it seemed so.. pointless. The aim was to introduce people to the world that I live in, but all I discovered that was I don’t stray much further than a 2 mile radius from my house. I go to toddler groups (where I wouldn’t take the camera anyway) and the local park; which, as wonderful as it is, I don’t think would make for great viewing for a whole month.

The other thing I realised was that I put more time and effort into drawing than anything else. It’s something that I rarely even think about posting up on here; unless I’ve not posted for several days/months and I really feel like I should post something. Anything!

Maybe I should change that, make the blog a hub for my characters and drawings as much as my deviantart account is?

I’ll schedule some stuff up and see how we get along.

I think there is some sort of ‘fear’ about opening myself up with my usual sort of art. It’s safe over on devArt, because I’ve been there so long and it’s what I know and the people I am friends with over there know me through my anthro/furry art. Here, it’s like opening up to the world; combining my ‘lives’ all together, but I think it’s time for me to do so.

Especially after realising that photography isn’t in me like it used to be – I draw this sort of thing very day, (more or less) and have done since 2003; so I really shouldn’t feel so concerned with opening up a bit more about it now. Who knows, putting it on my website might open up a few more doors for me.