rhodes toplessI was going to create a ‘reference’ image of Rhodes for future use, but I figured that his outfits wouldn’t deviate much from what he wears canon-ly in Day of the Dead so it turned into this instead.

I was thinking of infuriating aspects that I could add to his personality even in such a simple image – which is why his boot laces are untied!

Can’t run away from the undead hordes without tripping over with your laces untied! Idiot.

I am so back into this fandom and I am even contemplating writing a fanfiction with them again.

I’ve never really had much success when it comes to writing them before because I’ve always doubted my skills and struggled for a setting and solid idea for them; I think I might have cracked this now.

Just need to get started on it.

Until then, please enjoy this image of Rhodes topless as much as humanly possible!!

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When the devil calls

when the devil comes

I’ve been back into the whole “Day of the Dead” fandom lately. It’s funny how these things get kicked back into our brains.

I was looking to see if The Walking Dead was available to watch on Netflix (It isn’t) but as a result it showed me Day of the Dead: Bloodline. It was all downhill from there.

I’ve been mostly enjoying sharing artwork and thoughts over on an instagram account that I made for the purposes of enjoying the ‘fandom.’ I state fandom in that way because quite honestly, there is only really me making content for it; and the occasional piece of fan art from others. It’s pretty lonely, but I think it’s also what I needed right about now. Something that I can casually enjoy and think about while I am going about my usual day to day.

It’s also great cause I have a lot that I can share from throughout the years; collaborations, giftarts, drawings and the likes to keep me inspired.

But, I thought it would be an awesome thing to share on here as well, cause Day of the Dead has been one of my longer term fandoms; dating back to 2004ish. When was at animal college and really discovered horror movies. I remember making a leaflet about sympathy for the zombies from that movie for my IT project; I didn’t take IT seriously!

But yeah, have a picture of Kiz and Rhodes – it’s certainly nothing ground breaking, but it’s a start down this nightmare track again~

 

Lucas Agrahim 2

As mentioned previously, I am trying to change my content direction a bit and do more with the Warhammer hobby; be it photography, drawings, games or painting (Or anything else I can think of.)

I did a bit of sketching yesterday – I’d like to make Space Marines a part of my daily drawing practise as it’s the only way I’ll improve my craft with them – and these are the two I came up with.

Lucas Agrahim

They are both of the same character, Lucas Agrahim, a tactical sergeant from my Blood Guard chapter and twin of Rafen (Who needs a new first name as he currently shares the same name as my son which feels a bit weird now)

When I get some Bios up on here, there will be more about them both there~

More Aesthetic Boards

Ev Board 1

Farrell Board 1

Severance Board 1

A few more Aesthetic Boards for Sea of Souls characters.

Everard, the Templar and Relic Hunter.

Sky Captain Farrell

Severance – the bad guy!

Just though I would share these with everyone here, seeing as things feel like that have been a bit of a lull – I don’t know why, cause I have been busy, busy, busy getting on with the project.

Boards are a lot of fun and I feel as the characters grow and change, I can do more with them. They’re good for getting ideas out on ‘paper’ quickly.

Hobby Thoughts

As I mentioned previously, I wanted to use this blog as a place to get some thoughts and feelings out into the air and this one has been weighing pretty heavily on me recently and I know as soon as I’ve gotten them off my chest I’ll feel a lot better about it and be able to finally move on from the heavy burden that it has become.

I was talking the dog for a walk recently with my son and husband and I was talking about how I felt about the Wargaming hobby at the moment and what has been acting as a block when it comes to my creativity for it. In short, there’s been some emotional pain and resentment when it comes to picking up the hobby once again. Feelings of inadequacy and just general anger; but out of this conversation came the summary that I can’t let other people ruin something I once enjoyed – especially when I am so close to completing my Space Marine company!

A good place to go when struggling with hobby stuff is to get everything out on the table and see where you are with it all. With my husbands help I figured out I was only two tactical squads away from finishing the Blood Guard 4th Company! (Although, some of the ones I have currently are in need of sticking together still and others need finishing off.) But it still feels like something of an achievement for me – so I am thinking of how I can get back into the painting and playing side of the hobby. Too long have I blamed my procrastination on ‘Not having enough time’ but being able to voice the reason behind my reluctance to take part in the hobby feels refreshing; even if I have skimmed on the details.

So, I took a little jaunt over to games-workshop and am ‘treated’ to an eye full of maggot infested wounds and bloated tummies. My stomach churns and I recall the hatred I have for everything Nurgle. Just to feel a connection again is wonderful.

Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 13.06.38

It has been far too long since I did anything Games Workshop, let alone 40K. So I think this evening I’ll move my easels to the side and see if there is anything I feel like working on.

I admit, this didn’t work to well the other day when I took some of my Imperial Guard off the shelf and looked at them. I just had this overwhelming feeling of abandonment due to outside influences.

Moreover, it feels amazing that these feelings of ‘I want to do stuff’ come from within me and inspirational sources being rediscovered – I am currently reading Promethean Sun, which I grabbed off the bookshelf cause it is small and will be an much easier and better read that the drivel I just endured. So. No. You can’t try and take credit for what I am reaping for myself. Sorry.

Some self reflection

I took a step back from the internet – I’ve always had some sort of presence on social media – when my Husband finished work for the Christmas break on the 15th of December. I was using some websites pretty avidly in the month or so before this date and honestly, I was feeling like it was taking over my life (again)

The break has been welcome and now I am looking over my actions with hindsight I can see how badly I was using the internet and social media; I was in the grips of addiction. The decision to take a step back was both welcome and eye-opening.

I took a quick peep on my dA account while I was writing this post; as that’s the place that I have been most active and it’s all doom and gloom. People threatening to kill themselves over (honestly) the dumbest stuff ever and all I want to do is scream at them to get a grip! I think, in part, it’s because that now I am a bit older I don’t really feel like I fit in with the younger people on there these days. Where issues like, Apu from the Simpsons suddenly being outed as a racist character, seem to be more relevant and important to discuss than third world poverty. Or where the ability to pick and choose ones gender on a whim seems more un/acceptable than the so-called rape culture we live in. I am generalising for emphasis here; but these are the things that I was encountering daily on the wider internet. And also being labelled a stalker for reading the pages of another persons blog  – surely, that is what a blog is for? Reading?

Needless to say, it all just became too much and the decision to leave it all behind was a welcome one.

But, what am I thinking of now that I am in the midst of this break? I’ve used the internet to define a large part of who I am for a very long time. Websites, like DeviantArt have been the platform for my voice and my art for the past 14 years – longer than some of it’s users have been alive – so I have been left to do a serious amount of thinking. If I leave these social media sites behind me I know I will overall be happier and leave a more fulfilling life and I won’t be carrying around this addiction anymore. Yet, I would cut off some people I have known for a very long time, people I see as good friends and some of the only social interaction I get sometimes. I know I’d hear a lot less from some important people in my life – to the point where I doubt I would hear from them at all.

Do I stay in a place that ultimately isn’t good for me, but gives me a platform to express my creativity and gives me contact with people. Or, do I use the internet and the social platforms I have to keep in touch with people and express my creativity at the expense of my mental health?

I can see pros and cons for either side of the argument and I am thankful that I have enough time to ponder the conundrum for a while longer before the husband returns to work and I am left more or less alone with these thoughts.

I am thinking that there must be a healthy medium somewhere, but considering how the internet feels like an addiction surely using just one website (including my blog) is like an alcoholic or drug addict saying ‘One won’t hurt?’

5 ways to win my heart

Seeing as we’ve just seen the back of Valentines day and all the chocolates are now on special offer in stores, I thought this would be a good subject to to post about.

Another list from my writing prompt, but they seem to be a good thing to write so, here we go.

Flowers – You know, this is something that I think most women would like to be brought by their partners. I’m not a girl of expensive tastes and I don’t want to b brought tacky bunches of 24 red roses or anything lavish as that. A £1 bunch of daffodils are actually my favourites and I think it’s that fact being remembered that means more to me than the flowers themselves. Come at me with a big bunch and while I will still appreciate it, it won’t be the same as those daffs.

Fudge bars – Much like the above really, they’re my favourite little treat and they’re only 25p. Don’t bother with the massive box of chocolates that’ll only make me get fat, just get one of these for me every now and again and we’re good!

Drawings – I love it when people draw for me. Absolutely love it. I don’t care if you don’t think you can draw or if you’re the next Picasso! It means the world to me that you took your precious time to think of me and draw something. Time is the only thing in the world that we can’t get back, spending it on me to create something it just amazing and rather overwhelming.

Coffee and conversation – Actually, it’ll be more like a cup of tea and conversation, but how many people go to a Costas with the intention of buying a tea? Anyway, I don’t mean the fleeting conversation of ‘Hi, how are you?’ I’m not that great with small talk, I mean, lets go somewhere and have a deep and meaningful conversation. Or talk about drama or the things that are lighting up your soul right now! Speak to me about your passions and what you’re creating! Tell me all your silly little ideas for stories and I’ll tell you mine and we can tell one another that they aren’t actually silly and we can collaborate and make magic things happen! Honestly, I would love to do this more in my life.

Space – I can’t stress how mega important this one is! Give me time and space to be myself and do my own thing. I love the company of other people, don’t get me wrong, but I take a lot of time to recover from being around people as well. I need time to work on the various things that I have running over and over in my head. If I am tucked away somewhere working on something, the very best thing you can do is bring me a brew and leave me too it!