Ball Jointed Dolls

I’ve a bit of a conundrum when it comes to photography and it’s not something that is related to kit or anything like that.

I’ve been wanting to get back into photography after about a 10 year break, I joined up to my local Photographic Society and every week I come away from it both inspired, but terrified (intimidated) it’s a bit of a conflicting feeling – I want to get into it all, wrap myself in it and really enjoy myself.

But, I feel that my confidence has taken a huge knock and I am not as outgoing as I used to be. I feel like I don’t know where I can go or even where to start anymore; I had a brief stint of taking photographs of Warhammer models, which was fun and pretty interesting, but at the same time I feel a bit… jaded to it.

What I would love to do is find run down warehouses and broken things and photograph them. I once got into an abandoned old folks home with a pair of dolls and had fun photographing them amongst all the cobwebs and ‘gross’

 

Actually, my dolls are something that I have thought about a fair bit since starting going to the Photography Society and I regret selling them – such is the way of things – and I’d really like to replace some of them, not for anything as pretty as the one I had, just a plain, resin doll would be interesting to take around with me and photograph all ‘creepily’

Drawing on the wonderful and creepy inspiration of Hans Belmer and Joel Peter Witkin; two photographers I discovered while studying Photography at University.

It’s something that I will certainly hold onto and keep in mind, but there is still that underlaying concern for my lack of confidence – where does it come from? Is it because I have had so many people ‘cancel’ on me. Leaving me with an overwhelming feeling of abandonment and that I am not really worth being around; which has made it more difficult to reach out to people who might be interested in photographic pursuits. Some of my fondest memories of photography are in a small bedroom with a hastily thrown together ‘studio.’

I just like the idea of being able to pick up this side-passion again and get myself a doll to explore the local market with (when it is closed) and take creepy photographs again.

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The reason I’ve been ‘off’

I wasn’t sure if I should write this blog entry or not, but I’ve always felt like I should speak my mind as it has always helped me to recover and recuperate from my negative experiences in the past. Actually, this entry is a mirror from my journal over on DeviantArt and while over there, I don’t feel like I can name who this is about; my blog is my ‘safe space’ and I can easily point that this journal is about DrPStripes on DeviantArt

Something has been going on lately between myself and a former friend that has left a bitter feeling behind.

The aspect of this that makes it difficult to talk about openly, if one of the major points that had become a problem. The former friend had added (more or less) all of my other friends here on DeviantArt and twitter that either draws or has ever drawn anything related to anthro and furry art. At first, this felt like it was good fun; building a little community around us, but then it just got a bit strange. They would talk with friends of mine that I have known for over 14 years that don’t even draw anymore, trying to get them to do art trades with them or draw gift art for them and make them feel really uncomfortable with dragging up the past for them – and drawing the wrong characters for them as their Fursona, but that’s another point – which didn’t sit very well for me as I felt somehow responsible for the fact that I had mentioned them once in a conversation about anthro art and my original influences; which I figured was a safe conversation to have. Clearly not.

I know I can’t control what other people do, but it really felt like classic stalker tactics. Adding all my friends and trying to push the people I am close to out of my life. There was some drama started by this former friend between my sister and I when they messaged her accusing her of tracing artwork with the adage of ‘Jenn said you traced’ (paraphrasing) thankfully my sister and I are really close and the plan to tear us apart backfired.

Another tactic of control was to draw art for me and call it a Trade; even though we never agreed to do such a thing – it felt like a way to get free art from me or to back me into a corner making me wonder if we HAD agreed to another trade or not – it is something that I noticed he was doing with other people which was the only way I felt free from my confusion. There were other instances where when talking about trades the adage of ‘we can do one/something’ about them and when I did say no, I was met with one word answers and guilt trippy replies like ‘oh’ or ‘k’ which made me feel bad for having said no. Something that I already struggle with. They even went so far as to ask if his Fursona could have a crush on one. While telling me he fancied another of our friends.

There was a conversation between us that enlightened me to his egotistical attitude too, which had somehow evaded me in the years we had been friends. The statement of ‘Why do people flock to me like I am some sort of Art Messiah’ things were already getting difficult to cope with at this point, but calling yourself an art God when your art is average didn’t sit too well with me. I don’t understand how someone can adopt such a ‘holier than thou’ attitude towards art when everything looks rushed – but maybe my bitterness is clouding my judgement.

I don’t know if I should speak of others experiences with this guy, but I am not the only one who has issues with their attitude and behaviour. There are ex-friends who are constantly blasted and have to suffer his ‘wrath’ and current friends who are going through the ‘trade’ confusion.

it has honestly felt a bit like a nightmare lately and I am glad that we’ve parted ways so I don’t have to hear how great his sub-par characters are anymore or that he is better at art then other artists I have since come to appreciate and admire, who I didn’t feel like I could before cause it would have upset this former friend.

What the issue is now, is that because he has become mutual with more or less everyone I know on here (that does anthro art) it feels like he is unavoidable, even though he is blocked on here. (And everywhere else as far as I know) Which makes coming here fill me with terrible anxiety. im trying to work my way through it, but it’s difficult after such an all consuming part of dA.

Ive not mentioned this former friend by name, because of the mutuals we share, but I’d be happy to let you know via note if you wish to know.
If you feel you know who it is, I’d rather not have to deal with any fallout from this as this journal was purely written to help me feel better and get things off my mind that we’re keeping me awake at night.

Ill probably add to this when I feel like I need or want to say more about my experiences.

Sons Bedroom

As a part of moving house, I wanted to keep a bit of a ‘personal record’ of what we have changed, when, and how.

The house we’ve brought was (mostly) functional, but a bit dated and by far the worst room in the house was the one which has been designated to our son – it’s also the smallest room in the house as well, so the perfect room to start with for a couple of DIY novices!

The room was painted a grizzly green colour that I don’t even know if I can describe – and being an artist that’s saying something. It was a bit like infected snot or pale peas or something. Either way, it wasn’t attractive. Also left in the room was a single bed, that I don’t think even the dog wanted to sleep on! So that had to be removed before we even started doing anything in the room.

 

The first thing was to redo all the gloss paint in the room – cause the skirting board and radiator were more of a cream than white. This made the room look instantly fresher.

The next step was to paint the walls – we’d picked out a nice wallpaper from B and Q – Marcus had a hand in picking this himself by enthusiastically pointing to the wallpaper when shown a couple of options. So the paint we picked matched the wallpaper. It was one of Valspar’s colour mixing paints, which was pretty exciting in itself seeing as Marcus and I have watched how this is done on the Cbeebies show ‘Do you know?’ I think the colour we picked was called ‘Morning Glory’ but I can’t 100% recall.

IMG_8225

We are by no means experts when it comes to hanging wallpaper, but we were pleasantly surprised that it only took us an evening to do; while Marcus was sleeping in the spare room. We’re reasonably proud of how it came out too; considering the hiccups we had along the way – paper tearing because it was a bit too wet with wallpaper paste, not quite getting the patterns lined up and the concern that there might be stains because of the paste. Thankfully come the morning these things weren’t noticeable!!

While we changed the room around, we also took the side of Marcus’ cot as well and he has been sleeping pretty well despite the change!

 

Sorry I have been a bit neglectful when it comes to posting on here.

I want it to be because I’ve been mindlessly busy since moving – which to a certain extent I have been, but I also think it’s because I’ve been hiding too. Having thoughts that I wanted to try and figure out before I started posting here again. There was an absolutely massive focus on my art before I moved house; and after too – but I ‘crashed’ today.

I hit my limit and just feel like detaching from everything anthro and furry; yet at the same time, I don’t want to because most of my following is from the furry fandom. Yet, as always when I try and get into anthro/furry stuff something comes along to put me off. And it’s usually the same thing; ungrateful turds that just want to use and abuse, get something for free or act like an absolute arsehole to people while egotistically claiming they are an “Art Messiah.”

It’s my own fault, like always, for trying to get closer to people and build my own sort of following on websites like DevArt or Tumblr. It’s either too much because I seem to attract people I’d rather not; or it’s a reminder that ‘Fiction is better than reality’

I wish I could be the sort of person that could upload and share art to a website; like dA, and be content with that. Not interact with people or even try to make ‘friends’ just, share and go. I might have to give it a try. Upload something; log off and move on? Because I can’t keep going on the way I am; it’s draining and stupid!

I’ve thought a bit about it this afternoon before writing this. I’ll always love anthro/furry art; it’s home so I’ll never stop drawing it completely. That and Warhammer 40K doesn’t have enough Tits and Ass for me too really enjoy for the long term. Space Marine Pin Ups can only get me so far and really, my biggest following is for the anthro stuff. It’s a bit of a conundrum really.

 

My own biggest fan – Devon

Devon2small
Artwork by Squeekbat

I mentioned starting this series a little while ago now, but deliberated on who to start with or how I would write them.

Then I figured, I’d just do them in ‘aphabetical’ order according to my Toyhou.se account!

Devon started off as a redesign for Kizmit; but she didn’t really click with me in the way that I thought she would do. So she was demoted from the name and picked up as Devon. Her name came from the Disturbed song ‘Inside the Fire’ – which is one of my firm favourites of theirs. I think she was given the name around 2007.

She is a ‘Glamfur‘ which was an art movement with the anthro community that started around 2003, when I first started sharing my art online and had some prominent names in LeeLee, Inhix, Silverwing and others. It then had a revival in 2007/2008 which is when I became more interested and aware of it and I enlisted Devon to the cause.

There are a couple of different versions of Devon. The waking world Devon and the dreamer. The dreamer is the one who has blank eyes, crosses and stiches on her face. The waking world Devon is the one who has real eyes. The general story behind her is that she is an inmate at Pillsbrooke hospital – a sanitarium – and cannot tell the difference between being awake and asleep. Everything feels like a dream (or reality)

safe_inside_by_kizmit-d4wilha

Head-Canons:

  • She is into Nurses, Hair Falls and synthetic hair, she is technically dead and a non-rotting zombie that needs to feed of blood and alchohol in order to survive, she loves cross-gendered people and thrives among the transgendered as they don’t tend to judge her on the way she is and the way she survives. Equally she loves dressing as a nurse as well as in verious other clothing and loves bright colours.
  • Her favourite music to chill out and rock out too is: VNV Nation, CombiChrist, Celldweller and Icon of Coil.
  • Her tongue is green and poisonous.
  • She also loves it when people restyle her hair, as it changes colour very often and sometimes has hair falls in it.
  •  The four pointed earrings are usually spikes, but she often has stars dangling off her ears from the bottom on chains.
  •  Often drawn with drugs and various medical themed times, especially drips!
  •  She has her vagina sewn up and is non-sexually active, but most often than not she has lustrous feelings for people.
  • Torquemada is obsessed with her.

The above is from what I wrote about her back during that time so some of it may or may not be true anymore! I like it though.

Aesthetically, I have tried to steer her towards traditional goth – when not wearing nurses outfits.

I’ve a bit of work still to get her in the direction that I am after, but I have a Pinterest board set up for her to help me with this. She is a fun character and writing this up has made me realise that there is a lot more to her than I first remembered.

There is another element to her, and that is that my other character Torquemada is obsessed with her – but more about that when I get to writing up his ‘Biggest fan’ column in this series.

My own biggest fan – series.

The My Own Biggest Fan series of posts on here are something I have enjoyed doing in the past, and are something I would love to pick up again.

It’s basically where I get to talk about my own characters and how they have changed and developed over the time that I have had them.

I’m wondering if this is a topic anyone would be interested in reading about? Making up a category and seeing what I can put in it and who to write about, etc. I’ve just felt that lately, I’ve been a bit on the quiet side and have just been posting pictures rather than saying anything and it might be a good way to get a conversation going again.

What do you think?

Blogging Branding – Further Audit

I made a couple of little changes to the blog today.

I added some more categories – under the ‘Art’ umbrella.

There is Anthro/Furry – For everything animal-y themed.

Warhammer – For everything Warhammer fanarty

Misc – For everything else.

Really the two aspects of my art that I’d like to try and focus on are the Anthro and Warhammer side of things; be them pin-up style or otherwise and I think by having these categories here, I can use them to keep my mind focused this way.

Just wanted to make everyone aware that they can now browse my blog & art a little easier~