I am my own biggest fan.

Over the many years of drawing I have created a great many characters. Half written a heap of stories to go with them and sometimes not even got that far. Thing is, I just love creating. I equally love creating with other people, but that is an entirely new story.

So one year, back in 2006 I believe. I was wandering about on a silly little chat based game called Furcadia. And saw an advert for someone selling a character name for a mere $5. I happened to like this particular name, so I brought it. I made a character who reflected my interests and likes at the time and came up with one of the strangest characters of all times. A male character with rather feminine qualities with a really borked up past. Who hated anything and everything to do with drugs. I am talking about Wars.

Yet, having Wars on his own, seemed a bit strange. I wasn’t sure what to do with him now that I had him in existence. At this time, I was working for Royal Mail which was in a way fantastic because as soon as I was out of the office and on delivery I could put my head in La-La land and think about other things.
Naturally solving my Wars problem was a high priority.
I was partially influenced by a fellow DeviantArtist DarkenLite. Who at that time was drawing a lot of her Yaoi characters Fright and Shadow. I do not know if she still has these characters and we rarely speak any more as she tends to draw Transformers Erotica/Slash. Which is something I never understood.
I decided: Wars needs a boyfriend.

He needed someone who was a bit of a loose canon, someone who would spur him into action away from his apathy. A hot head. A dick! Therefore Beee came along.

They bloomed and took off a storm for a while. I had a few people who liked their unique designs and cybergothic influences. I drew them mercilessly for a good few years. I still do from time to time, that picture of Wars is fairly recent. (The one of Beee is the first I ever drew of him) However, the magic vanished somewhere along the line and for the most part they are pretty much forgotten about aside for a few wonderfully dedicated fans! Myself being the biggest.

See, we fangirls don’t just pick famous characters to worship!



In the happiness of my fangirly glory. My third Rambo book arrived today.
I am already nearly half way through.

Nursing Self Doubt

I know for a fact the every other fan girl goes through the motions of self doubt. Somehow, you just don’t know if what you are doing or fangirling over is the right thing. Or you feel like the world is against you and no one else supports you or your fandom or your Original Character pairing.

So, how do you cope. How do you pick yourself up and get back in the saddle? You… just do I guess. If it means that much to you, you carry on doing what your doing like you don’t give a hoot to what people think. It’s easy to do that, when your getting flamed left right and centre.

What if you are hearing nothing at all?

The world is silent. You don’t know if your disgusting people, or if they approve?

Then you think, do you need to worlds approval. Sure, it’s always nice to know that someone out there is rooting for you. Yet, if you don’t hear a peep. well, it must be a good thing right? I mean it’s easier on this here internet to be a bitch to someone than it is to be nice. So. Silence must be a good thing! That’s my humble opinion anyhow.

TL;DR: Don’t let things get you down, as long as what your doing makes you happy. Don’t give two shits about anyone else.

Going through

I’ve recently been going through some of my old stuff. Thats the bad thing when you move from house, to house, to student house, back to another house. Sometimes, you just don’t have the room for everything.

I have had to throw away some of my old College work that has been in a box for the longest time untouched. However, in this pile of stuff was a postcard. (I’ll scan it in when I get my scanner set up again.) On the front are four tigers, an arrow pointing to one saying “Gosh look at Kizmit.” (Which has been an online handle for as long as I can remember) This postcard was from one, Michael Dale, Also known as Imperial Doughnut. Of particular note to fangirling, is on this Post Card there is a Wolverine sticker and a quotation; “Heya Jenn, Logan here 😀 *grr* Why have you forsaken me for silly Pinhead?! *cries* It’s just like my crush on Jean Gray all over again :(”

Upon finding this amazing fangirly memorabilia, I was overjoyed. The sad news is, I had to sell a lot of my X-Men comics in order to afford to go to University. I have very little left of my time as an X-Men Fan. Let alone any of my fold memories learning all about Logan!! I was hung up on him for a good long while, and I kind of wish that I still was. Although I tend not to be a big Hugh Jackman fan in his role of Wolverine, I did rather enjoy the moment he had in the recent “X-Men First Class.” It renewed me with hope that I might actually get through Wolverine: Origins without going into a real rage fit! I have put it on my LoveFilm list and will have to see how I get on!
While we are on the subject, I must confess my personal favourite version of Logan is from X-Men Evolution! I have no idea why! Maybe it’s the attitude he has. Maybe it’s the bike, the outfit… or most definitely the hat

The other sad news is that I’ve not spoken to Mike for the longest of times, and I wish that I still was. I don’t think that it would be that difficult to get in touch, so I may have to try. It was Mike that coded my first ever blog, way back in the day. It was H. R. Giger artwork, and I loved it.

Sad times

It is a sad day indeed. I already lost my little notebook which had my future blog topic posts written in it.
Although there wasn’t that much in it, it’s thrown me off my stride.
How am I going to know who to write about next!
I guess I’ll just have to use another note book and think all over again, but for a Monday that sounds like far too much work.
I’ll just write part of my dissertation instead!


It always, always makes me happy when someone else joins in on my fangirling.

I’ve not made a full post about him yet, but this little gem of overheard conversation from my weekend away made me laugh.

After spending the week away from him and his arrival at the front door, my boyfriend arrives.

My father announces his arrival by shouting;
“Jenn, the love of your life is here.”

To which Dave, my sisters boyfriend, replies with.
“Who, Hudson?”