Out of Practice

Knives Sketch

It’s been a while since I did any character sketching. Honestly, after the last bout of pathetic idiocy on DeviantArt, I thought I’d just hang up my pencil bag and not bother doing anything character related ever again. Mostly because I felt so annoyed and upset by outside sources that I’d be better off without it in my life.

I don’t think that’s true though. This need to draw characters and keep drawing them is inbuilt in me somewhere – I didn’t stop because people at University told me ‘I suck at it’ so why should I let some insignificant, arrogant shithead on the internet put my off?

I am out of practice though – it’s been a couple of weeks – and I am questioning the direction I’d like to go in with my characters. I’ve not had much ‘luck’ with the furry fandom; I’ve made some great friends certainly, but as of late it’s not been “for me.”

So, I’ve returned to one of my other fandoms. Warhammer. Combining with doing a spot of painting as and when I can, I feel it’s only right to come back to drawing it as well.

The sketch above is Knives. The Scout Sergeant from my home brew Space Marine Chapter – I can see a fair few errors with with the sketch, but it’s a start back on the path that I’d like to be on.

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Bloodletters

I’ve been trying to pick up the remnant of my hobby life; without getting all upset with myself over the minor details like; I’m not working on my Space Marines or, I’m not writing one of my many stories.

Instead, I am trying to celebrate the things that I am doing.

For instance; I am painting *something*
I am drawing *something*

Life can’t be about beating myself up all the time.

I wanted to give a quick share of the two Bloodletters I have finished this week while celebrating the fact that I am getting in the mood to blog again.

I may take trips away, but I’ll always return here. And seeing as I have once again sacked off DeviantArt, I feel like I need somewhere to share my creativity in all of it’s various forms – so here I am.

Enjoy~

The reason I’ve been ‘off’

I wasn’t sure if I should write this blog entry or not, but I’ve always felt like I should speak my mind as it has always helped me to recover and recuperate from my negative experiences in the past. Actually, this entry is a mirror from my journal over on DeviantArt and while over there, I don’t feel like I can name who this is about; my blog is my ‘safe space’ and I can easily point that this journal is about DrPStripes on DeviantArt

Something has been going on lately between myself and a former friend that has left a bitter feeling behind.

The aspect of this that makes it difficult to talk about openly, if one of the major points that had become a problem. The former friend had added (more or less) all of my other friends here on DeviantArt and twitter that either draws or has ever drawn anything related to anthro and furry art. At first, this felt like it was good fun; building a little community around us, but then it just got a bit strange. They would talk with friends of mine that I have known for over 14 years that don’t even draw anymore, trying to get them to do art trades with them or draw gift art for them and make them feel really uncomfortable with dragging up the past for them – and drawing the wrong characters for them as their Fursona, but that’s another point – which didn’t sit very well for me as I felt somehow responsible for the fact that I had mentioned them once in a conversation about anthro art and my original influences; which I figured was a safe conversation to have. Clearly not.

I know I can’t control what other people do, but it really felt like classic stalker tactics. Adding all my friends and trying to push the people I am close to out of my life. There was some drama started by this former friend between my sister and I when they messaged her accusing her of tracing artwork with the adage of ‘Jenn said you traced’ (paraphrasing) thankfully my sister and I are really close and the plan to tear us apart backfired.

Another tactic of control was to draw art for me and call it a Trade; even though we never agreed to do such a thing – it felt like a way to get free art from me or to back me into a corner making me wonder if we HAD agreed to another trade or not – it is something that I noticed he was doing with other people which was the only way I felt free from my confusion. There were other instances where when talking about trades the adage of ‘we can do one/something’ about them and when I did say no, I was met with one word answers and guilt trippy replies like ‘oh’ or ‘k’ which made me feel bad for having said no. Something that I already struggle with. They even went so far as to ask if his Fursona could have a crush on one. While telling me he fancied another of our friends.

There was a conversation between us that enlightened me to his egotistical attitude too, which had somehow evaded me in the years we had been friends. The statement of ‘Why do people flock to me like I am some sort of Art Messiah’ things were already getting difficult to cope with at this point, but calling yourself an art God when your art is average didn’t sit too well with me. I don’t understand how someone can adopt such a ‘holier than thou’ attitude towards art when everything looks rushed – but maybe my bitterness is clouding my judgement.

I don’t know if I should speak of others experiences with this guy, but I am not the only one who has issues with their attitude and behaviour. There are ex-friends who are constantly blasted and have to suffer his ‘wrath’ and current friends who are going through the ‘trade’ confusion.

it has honestly felt a bit like a nightmare lately and I am glad that we’ve parted ways so I don’t have to hear how great his sub-par characters are anymore or that he is better at art then other artists I have since come to appreciate and admire, who I didn’t feel like I could before cause it would have upset this former friend.

What the issue is now, is that because he has become mutual with more or less everyone I know on here (that does anthro art) it feels like he is unavoidable, even though he is blocked on here. (And everywhere else as far as I know) Which makes coming here fill me with terrible anxiety. im trying to work my way through it, but it’s difficult after such an all consuming part of dA.

Ive not mentioned this former friend by name, because of the mutuals we share, but I’d be happy to let you know via note if you wish to know.
If you feel you know who it is, I’d rather not have to deal with any fallout from this as this journal was purely written to help me feel better and get things off my mind that we’re keeping me awake at night.

Ill probably add to this when I feel like I need or want to say more about my experiences.

Batshit insane

Batshit insane

It’s been a while since I posted here again and as always, I’m sorry about that. Just celebrate in the fact that I’ve returned and I’ve brought Wars and Beee with me.

For those that aren’t in the know about these two, they are from a personal project of mine that has been ongoing since 2006 – what the end result of this project is, I don’t know – but there we go.

I’ve a loose story going for them and these two characters are the ‘mains.’

At the point, I am just content in being able to draw them and sketch them up as I envision them.

I’m hoping to be able to draw them a lot and get back ‘into’ them a bit more again, as back in the day they were pretty much the only thing I did draw. In fact, I’ve really cut down my main character list over on DevArt and currently only have 5 going; including these two, the others being Zydrate – a character I adopted earlier this year, Kiz (who we should all know) and Jenn, my fursona.

Here we go again…

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This little gem came to my attention quite by accident – being told by a friend over on DevArt – and because nothing gets Fangirl going more than the dangled carrot of promise about more official Rambo content.

I am always really skeptical when it comes to more Rambo, the last time I went hunting for information on future instalments I ended up buying a really terrible rail shooter called Rambo:The Video Game. But the image above was first shown on Stallones official Instagram account, so there must be some truth in it, right? I mean, the big man himself wouldn’t tease us with false promises when it comes to something so… important.

My gut reaction was a general mixture of excitement and trepidation; because I have been here before. Hopeful that Rambo V will come along and been shown the middle finger for my crimes. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that this new image and information sticks about and something comes of it, but I won’t hold my breath.

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The Iron Warrior

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It’s been a little while since I drew one of the Primarchs and Perturabo has been waiting ‘patiently’ for a while for his picture, so, here he is.

In all his wonderful Terminatory glory!!

I really enjoy drawing Space Marines and the Primarchs series, because I feel that I can really, really push myself and learn while I am doing the deed.

However, they do trigger all my ‘I am shit at everything’ feelings and I have more doubts that I can ‘do good’ while doing these more than any of my other art pieces. It’s most likely because I lack confidence with drawing both them and the backgrounds as well as the full illustration-y feel they have.

I just need to work through these thoughts until they become second nature – as a part of that I’ve been doing a few sketches in a sketchbook too. Really quick images to get more comfortable with the concept of them

I am thinking, maybe I should make this a ‘daily thing’ like a couple of two minute sketches a day until I am a lot happier drawing Space Marines whilst still keeping ‘my style’ of art with them. These sketches were all drawn really quickly too, so they aren’t going to eat into much of my other free time.

Might be something for regular viewers to look forward too as well?

I’m contemplating on taking most of my artwork down this route, even the anthro/firry stuff. More illustrations than quick pin-ups, but maybe there should be a good, clear divide. The Warhammer stuff for full illustration, furry for quicker stuff? Just some thoughts.

Either way, I hope you enjoy the arts~

Where was I?

Mostly due to the house move, I have lost my way a bit with where I was on the hobby front.

I only unpacked my models today and managed to get them on the shelf.

So I really should get them sorted out better into their individual units so I can easily see where I am at.

I half recall having the need to stick together some more Bikers – as there only appears to be four base coated – so I shall have to find them and put them together as I believe these are the last few models I have to stick together before my company has enough models in it to be called a Company (I think that was my aim before moving house anyway, getting them all stuck together before painting them)

Thankfully during the move there was little in the way of casualties – just a few arms need sticking back on. Ideally, I would like to get a display cabinet for them nearer where I do my ‘art stuff’ in the conservatory.

But, this is their home for now and I just need to find the last few biker dudes and ‘crack on’