Hmm

I’ve been thinking of what to write so that I can update my blog for a while now as at the moment I don’t feel like I have that much to say about anything at all.

In honesty, I’ve been feeling a little deflated with most things that I am doing for myself. I made the silly mistake of trying to open up one of my projects to someone else and it didn’t really work out. With the sniff of roleplay all conversations with this friend turned into ‘When are you going to reply to our RP?’ Which, for me, is an instant killer for anything creative in the writing/RP department. So I didn’t reply to conversation (or the RP) because I didn’t feel like getting into an argument over the internet about it all! This resulted in me being unfriended – even though we’d been ‘friends’ for a long time. I find it all rather silly, but being open about it, I am rather glad that the toxic friendship is over.

I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled with getting to grips with Roleplaying for a while and was actually excited that I might get the chance to stretch my writing skills on an original character that I rather enjoy, so yet another negative experience when it comes to RP has soured my tastes for it even more.

Worse though, it has left me with that same sour taste to do anything involving my ‘Alternate Universe’ as the character I was roleplaying as was from my AU. I’ve tried drawing the characters a few times but nothing good has come of it. Which is bugging me, because less than two weeks ago I was really excited to be able to develop my characters again in a different way. I know I need to look past what happened so that I can move on from it, which is why I am writing about it here – writing it down and putting it to history might help after all.

I think what also doesn’t help is that I would love to draw characters interacting with one another, but am sadly stuck in the realm of pin-ups and bust drawings.

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Which sort of works well for me in some respects – I like what I draw, but wish that I could illustrate my ideas properly.

I just need to get the spark back for doing my own thing again. It’ll come. Until then, I guess I’ll be drawing pin-up fan art and boobs!

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Furcadia

At times.

I really don’t like myself.

I have this horrible habit of getting easily addicted to things. For a long time now I have had an attachment to the game Furcadia. And while I like it as a game because of it’s pixelly artwork and anthropomorphic characters, I find myself struggling with it.

It’s essentially just an online chat room where people create their own elaborate rooms (called dreams) and roleplay together. You can create your own dreams and even host your own custom avatars on there. It should be all very good fun. It’s filled with great artists and wonderful people. If you can find them!

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I’ve been on the game now for many-a-year and seen a lot of changes with the place. Mostly the introduction of avatar upgrades and the likes; but there is one change lately that’s not been so good. A dwindling player base. Which is rather important for the whole roleplay thing – having active people to roleplay with – so generally I just sit about on my own thinking up new character I’ll never get to use or browsing dreams I’ll never get to play in.

While I am on now there are currently 629 players online. From what I can tell most of them are AFK or idle. Just like me!

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It’s a real shame really, because I have a lot of fond memories of the place, meeting a bunch of great people and roleplaying a lot of fun stories with them. It just seems that seeing as I am on GMT I’ll very rarely get to meet anyone active on there any more, let alone meet anyone that would actually like to give roleplaying a chance.

There is an update to the game in the works. Yet it’s been an in the works update for so long now I think a lot of players are even losing faith and possibly interest in this as well. By the time it comes out there will only be less than a handful of people left to witness it!

I actually feel a bit sad about it. Furcadias been a stable part in my life for a long time and I enjoy seeing all the portraits and reading about characters and stuff, but it seems like it really is over. Theres no point being on a game with no players. No matter how pretty it is!

So what does this have to do with me not liking myself?

The fact that I keep going back to the game trying to find something I feel I am missing in my life.

Why bother going there when I can just write my own stuff instead?

Guildforged

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This, by far, has been the most challenging blog post for me to write. I’m not usually one for reviewing things in any solid format; more putting my thoughts down for the blogsphere to read. So when it comes to penning out my thoughts on Guildforged – an RPG I’ve had the pleasure of playing with my Tuesday group written and hosted by our usual GM Ben Redmond – I’m not overly sure where I should begin.

I think it’s only fair to state from the off that I am not a Guildball player, so I am certain that players of the table top game will get more out of Guildforged than I ever could.

That’s not to say it’s a bad system I very much enjoyed playing as ‘Big Al’ from the Butchers guild and probably as hard hitting as a character gets in the Guildforged / Guildball setting. I am all about the hard hitting, guys!

What Ben has done by taking the world of Guildball and creating an entire RPG around it is actually pretty amazing. Expanding the world to those who aren’t familiar with the table top game and making it more accessible to people who don’t play the table top game – at one point I even toyed with the idea of getting a Guildball team as I was so inspired by Guild Forged; I didn’t mostly due to time and money constraints, but my husband plays. From what I know about Guild Ball, Ben has also expended on the other Guilds, allowing them to be played whereas you cannot (yet) in the Table top game, picking up the Seamstress’, Messengers and Hunters guilds (Though I do believe the Hunters Guild models were released while we were playing?) And there may be others that I cannot currently recall.

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Although when we played all our characters were from different Guilds they all seemed to be brought together for the storyline of the campaign; which was something that went in Guild Forgeds favour, the party wasn’t limited to one specific guild unlike the table top game (with the exception of Union players.) And the clever adaptation of Influence and Momentum worked really well and added a dynamic to roleplaying that I’ve not yet come across in other games – allowing your character to have more than one ‘turn’ at doing an action during combat or allowing another character to jump the initiative cue. So if you needed to catch up to someone quicker you’d allow a faster character to move more. Or if you needed someone beating in, you allowed your more combat focused characters to take more turns (up to their influence cap) Adding bonus dice to your poll via the use of momentum also made you feel really epic!

It’s all looking pretty positive.

However, I did come across some light critique for the game as a non-Guildball player.

And that is the damage table.

Stating that you get to do a “Momentous, one damage.” Just seemed nothing short of sarcastic! Momentum is a dynamic in the table top game, just so we know. Now, doing one damage in Guild forged/ball isn’t a bad thing. It’s very good, actually. But, one damage just sounds and feels a bit crap! Big Al, could get up to four damage per turn, which is (as far as I know) the highest amount of damage going. It still just sounds naff!

And after speaking with the husband about pushing and dodges; they seem to work better for the tabletop game. I believe that pushing someone out of the arena/ring/board does more than just pushing them about the pub/combat area in the RPG.

Yet, as I have stated, this is because I am a non-guild ball player. From the other point of view, I can see that your character having their own playbook is a really great nod to the Tabletop game rules – and it would be great if you could get the template for the games cards and be able to make your own with your own picture of the character.

Seeing as Ben Redmond is an Award Nominated RPG writer, the game itself is pretty exeptional to begin with, but if you’re lucky enough to be able to get a game with him as your GM as well, then you’re really getting your monies worth from Guildforged. And seeing as it’s all free it’s totally worth it! I urge everyone to give it a go, be them a Guildball player or not as I really enjoyed the system and the campaign. I look forward to playing it again with the Tuesday group sometime.

You can read Bens write up (so far) of the groups adventure here

 

Prompt – Secret

I confess, I’ve been roleplaying online again.

I have had more than my fair share of gripes about this particular activity in the past. I’ve been put off that some of the worst people in a roleplaying community than you can think of.
Overly dramatic people that take everything to seriously.
People that don’t know how to keep their hands on their own characters and leave yours well alone.
Over powered original characters
Boring one liners

You get the picture.

So I was really reluctant to give everything yet another go. But I am glad I took the leap of faith. Firstly, I am writing as a character that I have connected with – which took me a long time to find, believe you me! They are a character that has featured on my blog before now. And I am getting a flood of storylines in which makes me very happy indeed. More so I have been complimented on roleplaying this character – which makes me feel wonderful.

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I just didn’t want this aspect ofmy life to me this big secret thing – I’ve always shied away from telling people that I write storylines with other creative people, like it’s something to be really ashamed of.

Roleplaying as Thor reminds me a lot of roleplaying as my old Norse badger charcater, Frey. They are pretty similar in mentality, Thor just has a bit more to him to make him interesting to write. Only thing is you have to get pretty damned good at describing Thunderstorms! I think the other thing that has helped me overcome the whole worrying about roleplaying is that the Marvel community over on roleplayer.me (Where I RP) is really friendly and welcoming to new people.
I don’t know how long I will be roleplaying like this for, considering my irritations mentioned above and in previous posts, but I hope it’ll last for a while yet.

And if I get any really juicy stories, I’ll share them with you!

I want to talk to you about Roleplay.

Roleplaying is something that I have done for over half of my life. Once upon a time it actually meant more to me than my real life did. It was the wonderfully, perfect escape that I needed at that point in my life. I could be the most handsome man ever and be the best prince that I could ever be for my wonderful princess!

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It was wonderful. More importantly, it was good fun. It helped me to feel connected to people that I cared deeply for that I could never be with. Mostly, it was just that escape that I needed. It got me away from a boring day job, out of a relationship that I had no real passion for and away from the dull monotony of everyday. I needed it then.

I don’t need it now.

Now, try as I might I just can’t seem to find my spark for it anymore.

I’ve tried several times to rekindle my passion for writing with other people and sharing storylines, but it’s just not happening. It’s not even the fact that I get so bored with it after just a few sessions. Now, I can’t even be arsed to do those few sessions because I know that the fire isn’t inside me anymore.

I would rather attempt to spend my time rekindling other passions – getting back into my personal writing or drawing or even 3D rendering.
But there is more to it than just my lack of passion. I don’t need it anymore. I don’t need to escape from a job I dislike, because I am working on my own business now and I really enjoy it. My life doesn’t suck so bad that I need a departure from it into somewhere else; anytime I need to escape I would rather read a book. I’m not in a relationship that I feel trapped in. Everyday I do something for myself in other ways, be it drawing something, playing a game (Or more recently walking the dog and playing with him)

I guess this is a journal to say that really, I am and have moved on from the pretending to be someone else.
It’s time to be myself for once.
Do things for myself.

7zXHofEtransBecause, mostly the people that want RP, are selfish.
The other day, I was RPing on Frey. I stated that I had to head off for a while because my new puppy needed some attention. So the person I was RPing just emoted to me “:crates puppy.”
Wait?
You expect me to put my puppy in a cage for longer than he deserves just so I can carry on writing some stupid shit over the internet with you?
Bah. No thanks. I’d prefer to play with my puppy!!

Maybe I’ve been on the internet for too long and am cynical?

But I’ve also noticed that a lot of people who roleplay have problems. Either health or mental problems. I’m not saying each and every one of these people is lying, but not everyone I talk to has problems surely!? Apparently, they do! Some sort of issue or another. Things that just seem as an excuse for all their lives problems or why they can’t do things.
“I lost my passwords, I can’t spell, I failed school,” etc
I just get fed up of hearing other peoples crappy. bullshit excuses.

So, yeah.
I don’t think I will be attempting the whole Online Roleplaying thing for a while. For many reasons.
I’ll stick to my Tuesday night tabletop stuff thanks.
It’s more interesting and I don’t hear bollocks excuses all night.

It’s win, win!!

In the land of fangirling not much has really been going on.
I’ve mostly been concerned with my own characters, but even than at a much subdued note than normal. It’s a little strange to feel so quiet. I’ve toyed with the idea of doing some more writing, but sadly my artwork has really been taking up pride and place of everything at the moment.

I always enjoy looking through my referring searches over here on fangirl.biz, they bring up all sorts of memories for me.
Though, seeing Captain Rhodes Day of the Dead Fanfiction in the bunch this time sent shivers down my spine. It’s good to know he is still out there haunting me.

As for Roleplaying, I’ve not done any written roleplay in a very long time. I’ve tried, but I just can’t seem to get anything to stick and you know what. I don’t feel bad about it anymore either, I like the tabletop stuff I do far, far more. I didn’t think I would connect with characters that I didn’t write about, but that’s not true. Even the Pathfinder character I RP as has been great fun; but that’s probably my Orc weakness showing!

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We’re playing a game called Etherscope (Or about to anyway) and I am very happy to brag about the fact that our GM is Ben Redmond… if you don’t know who that is in connection to Etherscope then you need a slap!
I am excited about playing it actually – not only because our GM is pretty much amazing, but because of the character I’ve managed to come up with.
Royan, an Ether-Psychic who has a talent with talking to the dead/spirits. While on the outside owns a wonderfully weird shock of curiosities, apparently filled with bad Taxidermy and a little lab to make drugs out of the dignity of Leptard. 
Personal in-jokes aside, I’ve been anting to try out Etherscope for a while, so am looking forward to it. 😀

In personal news, I am getting married soon so I am mostly getting prepared for the big day on the 11th of October. 

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing some of my own fictions as well, like I have ideas for off-shoot stories connected with Sea of Souls, but you know should probably get the first one written first – but if just add-libbing and entire story really the best way to go about things? I mean, I’ve shotgunned my way through fictions before, but they’ve been personal… actually so is Sea of Souls, but yanno.

I should just write, and write some more! Cause, that’s how things get written. Like, stop worrying about it Jenn and just do it.

I am my own biggest fan – part 4

Sometimes, you just happen to stumble across a creation that actually excites you.
I’ve had a character like that for some time now. I think I originally created him in 2011 which isn’t really all that long ago in the grand scheme of creating characters. He is actually fairly new compared to many that i have put out there.
But he certainly has that spark about him.

I use him for roleplaying on a game called Furcadia. Which is a game that I have enjoyed for many, many years. Sadly it has been in a slow decline for a while now – losing out to other ‘better looking’ games and other more welcoming communities.
Furcadia has this underlying community of snark – many of the players are young, the rest have been there for a long time. This seems to create a divide where it seems acceptable to micky take out of others characters. Yes, there are some characters you come across on there that you cannot help but think; “What the Hell?” about, but generally, you should keep these thoughts to yourself and not feel the need to exploit them and post them on negative tumblrs!

Anyway, that is enough of that tangent and expressing my slight irritation.

The character I am on about is Frey – I have mentioned him briefly in the past but never really gone into any details about him.

(Frey, artwork from 2012)
Frey was originally created for a collaborative Roleplay project between myself and Fry called World of Oure, this idea sadly fell through when we both discovered we do not have the time to dedicate to it.Though I would love to get it back up and running some time as the whole idea of a Futuristic-Dystopian-Norse RP setting really thrills the snot out of me!
And so, rather than waste the concept of Frey – which I very quickly grew attached to and excited about I purchased the alt for Furcadia – I think he cost something like $10 –  and I started roleplaying.
I’ve looked back a couple of times, and I’ve also gone through a fair chunk of time when I’ve not roleplayed as him. At others I have been hesitant to log in as him, purely because I’ve not been in the mood. then there was that period where I didn’t even want to look at Furcadia at all due to the fact that it reminded me of someone who I would rather not speak about.
However, I recently returned to the world of Furcadia and to RPing on Frey.
Thus far it has been one hell of an enjoyable blast! Hearing from the old faces I used to speak with has been an added joy that I did not expect to have. Being given wonderful compliments about my character is also a real joy as it generally introduces me to other people to roleplay with.
Though, there are tricky times as well. Although Frey is meant to be a big, combat type character, I do not deal with conflict overly well. And I do not know how I can overcome this from a roleplay point of view, not on this character.

So in light of this dilemma, I have created a new character to develop through roleplay – I enjoy this form of character development.

(Artwork by Seven11art)
When creating a character like this, what I do is get the basics down and let the In Character choices that he makes inform him as a whole – it’s like them telling you who they are as you go along. In a really geeky way it can be pretty exciting.