The reason I’ve been ‘off’

I wasn’t sure if I should write this blog entry or not, but I’ve always felt like I should speak my mind as it has always helped me to recover and recuperate from my negative experiences in the past. Actually, this entry is a mirror from my journal over on DeviantArt and while over there, I don’t feel like I can name who this is about; my blog is my ‘safe space’ and I can easily point that this journal is about DrPStripes on DeviantArt

Something has been going on lately between myself and a former friend that has left a bitter feeling behind.

The aspect of this that makes it difficult to talk about openly, if one of the major points that had become a problem. The former friend had added (more or less) all of my other friends here on DeviantArt and twitter that either draws or has ever drawn anything related to anthro and furry art. At first, this felt like it was good fun; building a little community around us, but then it just got a bit strange. They would talk with friends of mine that I have known for over 14 years that don’t even draw anymore, trying to get them to do art trades with them or draw gift art for them and make them feel really uncomfortable with dragging up the past for them – and drawing the wrong characters for them as their Fursona, but that’s another point – which didn’t sit very well for me as I felt somehow responsible for the fact that I had mentioned them once in a conversation about anthro art and my original influences; which I figured was a safe conversation to have. Clearly not.

I know I can’t control what other people do, but it really felt like classic stalker tactics. Adding all my friends and trying to push the people I am close to out of my life. There was some drama started by this former friend between my sister and I when they messaged her accusing her of tracing artwork with the adage of ‘Jenn said you traced’ (paraphrasing) thankfully my sister and I are really close and the plan to tear us apart backfired.

Another tactic of control was to draw art for me and call it a Trade; even though we never agreed to do such a thing – it felt like a way to get free art from me or to back me into a corner making me wonder if we HAD agreed to another trade or not – it is something that I noticed he was doing with other people which was the only way I felt free from my confusion. There were other instances where when talking about trades the adage of ‘we can do one/something’ about them and when I did say no, I was met with one word answers and guilt trippy replies like ‘oh’ or ‘k’ which made me feel bad for having said no. Something that I already struggle with. They even went so far as to ask if his Fursona could have a crush on one. While telling me he fancied another of our friends.

There was a conversation between us that enlightened me to his egotistical attitude too, which had somehow evaded me in the years we had been friends. The statement of ‘Why do people flock to me like I am some sort of Art Messiah’ things were already getting difficult to cope with at this point, but calling yourself an art God when your art is average didn’t sit too well with me. I don’t understand how someone can adopt such a ‘holier than thou’ attitude towards art when everything looks rushed – but maybe my bitterness is clouding my judgement.

I don’t know if I should speak of others experiences with this guy, but I am not the only one who has issues with their attitude and behaviour. There are ex-friends who are constantly blasted and have to suffer his ‘wrath’ and current friends who are going through the ‘trade’ confusion.

it has honestly felt a bit like a nightmare lately and I am glad that we’ve parted ways so I don’t have to hear how great his sub-par characters are anymore or that he is better at art then other artists I have since come to appreciate and admire, who I didn’t feel like I could before cause it would have upset this former friend.

What the issue is now, is that because he has become mutual with more or less everyone I know on here (that does anthro art) it feels like he is unavoidable, even though he is blocked on here. (And everywhere else as far as I know) Which makes coming here fill me with terrible anxiety. im trying to work my way through it, but it’s difficult after such an all consuming part of dA.

Ive not mentioned this former friend by name, because of the mutuals we share, but I’d be happy to let you know via note if you wish to know.
If you feel you know who it is, I’d rather not have to deal with any fallout from this as this journal was purely written to help me feel better and get things off my mind that we’re keeping me awake at night.

Ill probably add to this when I feel like I need or want to say more about my experiences.

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Backing off

Thank you for those who’ve noticed I’ve reduced the amount of sites I use again.

I’ve deleted various accounts I’ve been attempting to maintain over the internet again – mostly for my own sanity.

I’ve been having a bit of a struggle keeping up with everything and trying has just become a bit overwhelming as of late, so it has made me stop and have a good think about what I want out of this here internet.

I figure, for me everything is about art and drawing/sharing what I make and create.

I have the biggest following for that on DeviantArt – which is where the vast majority of it shall happily remain. dA has been my ‘home’ on the internet for nearly 15 years, so why should I change that because “The only place I have to keep in touch with certain people is another website that I don’t enjoy using?” I have had enough of running about after people online that really don’t seem to care.

As such, I have updated my lists page of where I am currently active/online. Anywhere else, is an imitation!

I am still debating about keeping twitter or not.

My own biggest fan – Devon

Devon2small
Artwork by Squeekbat

I mentioned starting this series a little while ago now, but deliberated on who to start with or how I would write them.

Then I figured, I’d just do them in ‘aphabetical’ order according to my Toyhou.se account!

Devon started off as a redesign for Kizmit; but she didn’t really click with me in the way that I thought she would do. So she was demoted from the name and picked up as Devon. Her name came from the Disturbed song ‘Inside the Fire’ – which is one of my firm favourites of theirs. I think she was given the name around 2007.

She is a ‘Glamfur‘ which was an art movement with the anthro community that started around 2003, when I first started sharing my art online and had some prominent names in LeeLee, Inhix, Silverwing and others. It then had a revival in 2007/2008 which is when I became more interested and aware of it and I enlisted Devon to the cause.

There are a couple of different versions of Devon. The waking world Devon and the dreamer. The dreamer is the one who has blank eyes, crosses and stiches on her face. The waking world Devon is the one who has real eyes. The general story behind her is that she is an inmate at Pillsbrooke hospital – a sanitarium – and cannot tell the difference between being awake and asleep. Everything feels like a dream (or reality)

safe_inside_by_kizmit-d4wilha

Head-Canons:

  • She is into Nurses, Hair Falls and synthetic hair, she is technically dead and a non-rotting zombie that needs to feed of blood and alchohol in order to survive, she loves cross-gendered people and thrives among the transgendered as they don’t tend to judge her on the way she is and the way she survives. Equally she loves dressing as a nurse as well as in verious other clothing and loves bright colours.
  • Her favourite music to chill out and rock out too is: VNV Nation, CombiChrist, Celldweller and Icon of Coil.
  • Her tongue is green and poisonous.
  • She also loves it when people restyle her hair, as it changes colour very often and sometimes has hair falls in it.
  •  The four pointed earrings are usually spikes, but she often has stars dangling off her ears from the bottom on chains.
  •  Often drawn with drugs and various medical themed times, especially drips!
  •  She has her vagina sewn up and is non-sexually active, but most often than not she has lustrous feelings for people.
  • Torquemada is obsessed with her.

The above is from what I wrote about her back during that time so some of it may or may not be true anymore! I like it though.

Aesthetically, I have tried to steer her towards traditional goth – when not wearing nurses outfits.

I’ve a bit of work still to get her in the direction that I am after, but I have a Pinterest board set up for her to help me with this. She is a fun character and writing this up has made me realise that there is a lot more to her than I first remembered.

There is another element to her, and that is that my other character Torquemada is obsessed with her – but more about that when I get to writing up his ‘Biggest fan’ column in this series.

My own biggest fan – series.

The My Own Biggest Fan series of posts on here are something I have enjoyed doing in the past, and are something I would love to pick up again.

It’s basically where I get to talk about my own characters and how they have changed and developed over the time that I have had them.

I’m wondering if this is a topic anyone would be interested in reading about? Making up a category and seeing what I can put in it and who to write about, etc. I’ve just felt that lately, I’ve been a bit on the quiet side and have just been posting pictures rather than saying anything and it might be a good way to get a conversation going again.

What do you think?

Sorry things have been a little quite on the talking front on here the past few days. My son hasn’t been feeling very well and to be honest, I don’t always know what to say about my pictures when I share them.

I always felt like I should be this ultra chatty person, because this is a blog and it’s for sharing opinions on, right?

But, constantly finding something to say about my pictures – which are all essentially pin-ups and very similar in content – isn’t easy.

I feel like I should say something, cause it all feels a little flat at the moment, but there we go. I’d love to answer questions or something like that, but in order to do so, I need to get them!

Maybe… talk a bit about the characters that I post about? Which would work, if I was sharing pictures of my own characters. I’ll have to have a bit of a draft and see what I can think up.

Sad times for old school furry

Before the likes of websites such as Furaffinity, Inkbunny and SoFurry, there was an archive called VCL (Vixen controlled library?) It was a website that had very little in the ways of functions – no commenting system, no favouriting – but it allowed users to upload and share their artwork and contact one another via email.

I joined the site in 2003 and have used it as an archive for my anthropomorphic artwork ever since (on and off)

Yesterday, I believe that the site went down – I don’t know if it’s a permanent thing VCL being down, as I think it has vanished before.

I do know that the website is barely maintained and has been gathering dust since its ‘revival’ in 2014 – which sadly came to nothing.

VCLTweet

Other than the loss of my own artwork, I am saddened about the site going down for all the treasures that were stored on there!

Artwork that isn’t shared anywhere else from artists that have long since moved on.

Not everything on VCL was good and the uploading rules were dubious at best – if I recall correctly, anything traditional had to have a perfectly white background (At all costs) but it did introduce me to some wonderful artists, most of which I aspire to still.

I ‘met’ some of my best artsy friends via VCL also and was introduced to the site by Sy-Swift who I mentioned in my previous post. So I think that this post for me is somewhat bitter sweet considering what I write about yesterday.

Needless to say, I will be really sad it VCL has stopped working permanently, but we all need to move on sooner or later and I haven’t uploaded to my account since last year. I guess it’s time to find another avenue for sharing furry artwork and ‘getting with the times’ finally.

 

Blogging Branding – Further Audit

I made a couple of little changes to the blog today.

I added some more categories – under the ‘Art’ umbrella.

There is Anthro/Furry – For everything animal-y themed.

Warhammer – For everything Warhammer fanarty

Misc – For everything else.

Really the two aspects of my art that I’d like to try and focus on are the Anthro and Warhammer side of things; be them pin-up style or otherwise and I think by having these categories here, I can use them to keep my mind focused this way.

Just wanted to make everyone aware that they can now browse my blog & art a little easier~