A little bit more personal than normal

I’d say for longer than three months I have been struggling with thoughts of quitting. Not just the thought of quitting blogging, drawing and painting miniatures, but properly quitting. A lot of the thoughts are intrusive and unwanted; they can be quite shocking when they come, but are often induced snap-times of higher stress; when my son is having a shouting match and being argumentative, for example. A couple of days ago I had a pretty rough afternoon with the kiddo and was feeling pretty low. Having been left to cook the dinner in the early evening whilst the husband took aforementioned kiddo to the park, I put the radio on and a wonderful song came on. A song that can only impact a person in a one way.

Everything about this song is affirming in a positive way and perfectly cheesy – just like the dinner I was cooking – but what it reminds me of more is a very powerful piece of acting from the movie Rocky Balboa; I recently shared the video with my husband and I think he was suitably impressed as well. Sure, I am not as invested in the Rocky series as I am the Rambo, but I do have an appreciation for the long standing series. More so after watching this scene. It’s motivational, to say the least.

Whenever I go through these periods in my life – which at times feels like it is my entire life – I go back to this particular motivational speech. It’s a work of fiction, yes, but it has really clicked with me as a means to try and get through the hardships and keep powering through the negative emotions that try and pull me down. A way to deal with the imposter syndrome that can grab hold and have the strength to say ‘I am valid, I am doing this for myself.’ It helps me to get through the inner monologue that tells me that I am not good enough and never will be. Tells me to not cling onto the negative aspects of myself and just keep on going forwards. I am better than a quitter.

I wanted to write this down while everyone was out of the house as a means to keep a record of it and to share just in case it helps anyone else.