As I mentioned previously, I wanted to use this blog as a place to get some thoughts and feelings out into the air and this one has been weighing pretty heavily on me recently and I know as soon as I’ve gotten them off my chest I’ll feel a lot better about it and be able to finally move on from the heavy burden that it has become.
I was talking the dog for a walk recently with my son and husband and I was talking about how I felt about the Wargaming hobby at the moment and what has been acting as a block when it comes to my creativity for it. In short, there’s been some emotional pain and resentment when it comes to picking up the hobby once again. Feelings of inadequacy and just general anger; but out of this conversation came the summary that I can’t let other people ruin something I once enjoyed – especially when I am so close to completing my Space Marine company!
A good place to go when struggling with hobby stuff is to get everything out on the table and see where you are with it all. With my husbands help I figured out I was only two tactical squads away from finishing the Blood Guard 4th Company! (Although, some of the ones I have currently are in need of sticking together still and others need finishing off.) But it still feels like something of an achievement for me – so I am thinking of how I can get back into the painting and playing side of the hobby. Too long have I blamed my procrastination on ‘Not having enough time’ but being able to voice the reason behind my reluctance to take part in the hobby feels refreshing; even if I have skimmed on the details.
So, I took a little jaunt over to games-workshop and am ‘treated’ to an eye full of maggot infested wounds and bloated tummies. My stomach churns and I recall the hatred I have for everything Nurgle. Just to feel a connection again is wonderful.
It has been far too long since I did anything Games Workshop, let alone 40K. So I think this evening I’ll move my easels to the side and see if there is anything I feel like working on.
I admit, this didn’t work to well the other day when I took some of my Imperial Guard off the shelf and looked at them. I just had this overwhelming feeling of abandonment due to outside influences.
Moreover, it feels amazing that these feelings of ‘I want to do stuff’ come from within me and inspirational sources being rediscovered – I am currently reading Promethean Sun, which I grabbed off the bookshelf cause it is small and will be an much easier and better read that the drivel I just endured. So. No. You can’t try and take credit for what I am reaping for myself. Sorry.