I had someone ask me a question over on DeviantArt today – I no longer use dA to share art, but I use it to comment on others works and run Aliens-Fans – and they asked if I did any writing professionally; I shared a chapter of one of my more recent Aliens fanfictions on there which has had some nice feedback on both dA and Fanfiction.net.
It’s not something that I have ever considered before, mostly because I don’t have any formal education for writing beyond Secondary School and even that wasn’t exactly a high-flying, let’s shout it from the rooftops, grade. Maybe because I spent all my time writing dodgy fanfictions rather than pay any attention to what was being taught! I don’t have any burning desires to go back to education right now either, at least not in an established location where I could be surrounded by people! Yet it has planted the seed of writing something original rather than just more dodgy fanfiction.
There is something else too. I was sent an article from the newspaper in the post today – I am still investigating who sent it – about a parent watching their child growing up and where the first year of their sons life has gone and all the things that have changed. The article really resonated with me; to the point it made me cry. It’s made me have a bit of a think about the future and really how I would like to be seen by my son when he is a bit older. Which I don’t ever see myself as being a career driven person, I would like to be some sort of role-model for him. Feel like I can give him something to be proud of.
Yet, I feel like it could be a double edged sword. I have found with art, the further I delve into it from an education point of view the less I have enjoyed doing it. I think there is a certain enjoyment in doing something from a completely naive point of view, at least it doesn’t overload you with meanings or complications. It can be enjoyed rather than sought after with a perfectionists eye.
And I think the truth is, I’m not out to impress anyone. I’ve always written from a purely enjoyment side of things, like with this blog. It’s about me, my life and the steps that I have taken so far. Do I feel the need to be ‘internet famous’ with it? No. It’s a pressure free place right now. Yet, I can feel myself feeling slightly defensive already, guarded against those that would try and bring me down. The inner voice that tells me, “You won’t finish anything, so why try!”
Then again, I guess I could be writing a story about someone teaching an Alien how to take a shit in a toilet and everything somehow feels better again! Even though it’s not nice to slate other people in order to make yourself feel better.