I am currently standing at the forefront of the biggest change in my life. I am six weeks away from giving birth (Roughly, as we can never really predict these things exactly) to my first child.
I am in a stable and very loving relationship with my husband – we’ve been together for nearly 9 years, and married since 2014. We brought our house in march 2015 and made the addition of a dog, Barley, to our family not long after. He is currently upstairs asleep on the bed after a very tiring hour long walk this morning!
(Curled up, mid-yawn)
I cannot help but feel utterly lost and confused with myself. I’ve never been a serious ‘Go-getter’ when it comes to a career, just someone who flits about from job to job wondering what I am going to do with my life. I am still trying to have this conversation with myself even though I am going to be having a baby really soon.
“What is my ideal career?” or “When am I going to do something meaningful with my life?” and I really need to stop stressing about it, because now really isn’t the right time to be worrying about it all and over thinking it.
Actually, more importantly, I’d just like to be able to find a little bit of myself again. At the moment I feel so blank. I spend silly amounts of time reading sad posts about dogs on facebook and making myself upset. It’s really not healthy! So, I need to have a change of heart and find myself again.
I’ve always been interested in the creative arts – I have a rather large collection of materials up on my top floor, but I’ve never really felt at home creatively. If I sat in front of a canvas or piece of paper right now I wouldn’t have much of a clue on where to start or what I would even like to create. I have had input and support from family, but a lot of the time it comes across as criticism; it’s not always the case I am sure, but it feels a lot like being judged or told that I can do better – in the ways of making money from my artwork. Which is a step I have never felt ready for, and thus I put it all down again and go back to being pretty much a nothing. Uninspired and absolutely flat.
I have tried and looked at ways of breaking through blocks via the means of self help books and the likes, but generally they don’t really speak to me. I find them all a little bit spiritual and hippyish, which is something I don’t really feed into aside from lighting a nice smelling candle every now and again to get rid of any doggy odor!
So while I was having a lie down earlier today, I was wondering what I can really do to help myself get out of this dead-end slump. How can I connect to myself a bit more and feel a little happier with my life, even at this horrendously late stage in my pregnancy? I have heard that just writing about thoughts and feelings can help, so I thought why not start a blog going? What’s the worst that can happen? I could find some people I can connect too, look at other artists here on wordpress and see what happens.
I am a bit of a wordpress newbie, but it’ll be good to be able to see what others create and if I can maybe feel a little inspired along the way. Who knows where this will go exactly. I have tried keeping a diary before and it’s not always gone down too well, but this might be a bit different seeing as it has a community behind it all.
It’ll be nice to meet and talk with some of you, be it about impending motherhood, parental advice or anything artistic and creative.
A new start online as well as in life.