The nicest are always the hardest
Sometimes, after I move on from one fangirly obsession to another. I feel the extremest amount of guilt for it. I feel ultimately bad for having to leave someone or something behind and move on to another. Which is sadly something that all fangirls do in the end. No matter how much they want to deny it.
So when you have that obsession; that one that was perceived as the “nice” one. The one that was good to you no matter what you did, and would even forgive you all over again now for going off to someone else if you returned to them. How do you over come that insane feeling of guilt? How do you say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you?”
If the guy is a complete jerk then it’s fine to say “Screw it, I’m going to obsess over someone else for a few months.” Even if you know it’s going to hurt like hell to return. *eyes Rhodes*
Who was my nicest?
I guess that would be the guy that has been there the longest as well! Which is why I now feel guilty about having moved on. He was nice, in a way that not many would have expected. There was an kinship between us that I don’t even know if I can explain. As many have done in the past; he came to me in a dream. A much welcome dream; which I can still remember vividly to this day. This post actually ties in with my last post. In the fact that they are both from Babylon 5. A series that I still love to this day. Those who know me well enough will now know that I am on about non other than the much loved to be hated Bester.
There is a set of three books released about Bester; which are still among my personal favourite books. Getting to know someone inside your head better than those around you brings about a thrilling feeling of accomplishment!! I know now that this has been written I shall be expressing a desire to re-watch certain episodes of Babylon 5. The fangirling over Bester also brought about another feeling that possesses even the sweetest of Fangirl. Hatred. I hate Byron. With a vile passion. I also dislike Lyta Alexander; but I confess that is just envy. Bester was actively interested in her; whereas I had to upload my conciousness into Laraine for him to show any level of interest.
Maybe I should one day tell my OC’s stories.
I shall have to find my old Bester/Laraine artwork and put it up here.
Laraine is still a very special to me as it is under her name that I met many wonderful people.