I have always been a cautious, over-thinker.
Fearful of what I might end up doing or how things might turn out if I completely commit to them. What changes will my dedication bring out in myself and what will I have to sacrifice and “miss-out” on while I am blindly following my latest ‘calling’ without even knowing what that truly is.
As such, I have done ‘everything’ dipping my toes in here and there with whatever takes my fancy – Illustration, Photography, Painting, Doodling, Card-Making and so on. Chasing ‘goals’ that never get reached and thus leave a hollow feeling and thoughts of ‘not being good enough.’
Everything in the past few months has been happening by ‘happy accidents.’ I picked up my old Canon Eos 20D to take a few snaps of my Sisters Warhammer Models.
Khorne Blood Warriors – Painted by Elliot Coulbeck
I continued down this track for a little while, getting used to using my camera again; but quickly noticed the limitations of my kit. The Canon is now 15 years old and certainly showing signs of wear and tear.
So I treated myself to an Upgrade, but a Nikon this time – I thought out of the cameras on offer that the Nikon seemed the better option and seeing as I was replacing my knowledge and starting over moving over to a new system and style of camera wasn’t an issue, though I know there has been a long standing rivalry between the manufacturers!
Another ‘happy accident’ was joining Bury Photographic Society; their meetings are within easy walking distance of my house and I was looking for something to do on an evening to stop me from “just being a Mum.” Which has also renewed my interest in Photography further, the exposure to different subjects via the Society has been wonderful and eye opening. I always seem to leave the meetings with a combination of ‘Inspired and intimidated.’ It’s a wonderful feeling and because I am shrugging off goals that rely on numbers and growth that isn’t personal, I don’t feel like I have to rush down this path but enjoy the process of learning.
The next ‘happy accident’ happened just recently. I was speaking to Stuart Rixon about Photography organising software, as my laptop is a bit of a mess with photographs, unorganised all over the place and he mentioned Lightroom. I’ve always a been hesitant to purchase it due to it being a subscription; but I already love it!
The last, happy accident is this blog. It’s the one that I am still the most ‘fearful’ of. I have been saying that my photography is something that I’m going to keep for myself, that I don’t have to share all over the place to know that I am doing. I don’t need to be seen to be doing; but as time has passed a bit, I thought it might help me to find that little bit more focus and dedication to the creative process and a good way to document how my photography style changes and grows with me. It’s personal in a way, but I also wanted to share it and have some input; it would also be a good way to get some fun photography contacts in the directions that I wished to head in!
I am interested in textures at the moment with a developing interest in Urbex. I have always had a fondness for broken things, abandoned places and all those unearthly secrets that I can uncover with a camera.
So, here I am, drawing a line in the sands of my journey so that I can not shrug off what has come before because I cannot deny the paths that I have already walked, but so that I can move on from them and give myself the time to grow in a more positive direction and have fun while I am doing it – without feeling the need to spread my ‘achievements’ far and wide.