Today, I stuck together the last four guys of my Space Marine Company.
I have now collected and made all the model I require for my Army.
It feels like a momentous occasion that needs celebrating and sharing! I’ve had these bikers sat in a box since before I left Lincoln University in 2012.
I now have the mammoth task of painting them all – some have already been painted, so it’s not as big a task as painting the entire company, but there is a lot to be getting on with. (As well as fixing casualties and finding bases)
I last posted about this here, at the beginning of the year so it really has been slow progress. But, hopefully I can keep the forward momentum going a bit better this time and share more updates with you as I go.
[Edit] The missing guns are no longer missing!
While I was doing some painting earlier – of the decorating sort, not the hobby sort – I came across the realisation that I’ve let other people influence who I am and what I am doing.
I have put off personal project for an unwarranted ‘fear’ of upsetting people. I’ve let other peoples paranoia dictate what I am doing. A turn of phrase here or a surname there and I’ve had the finger of ‘You’re staling from me’ influence projects that I have had with me; but unworked upon for many years. My fears have been pushed the a point because the fingers come from people that once inspired me and that I looked up too – and coming to the realisation that they’ve got nothing on me has taken a long time.
This is the internet; look up these terms on google and you don’t get the people that I’ve been running scared from; you get DnD character builds or Film directors, infamous brothers, alcoholic beverages or things along those lines.
Even this more recent ‘fear’ of being completely overwhelmed by someone has had me changing what I am doing. And the stupid thing is, I was actually happy running along with my characters and projects before these things came along and sucked the enjoyment out of it – to the point (with furry at least) I don’t feel like I can ever enjoy it in the same way again; at least it feels that way at the moment.
I was scared. I am still scared sometimes, to think about certain cahracters and projects, and for what? Some idiot o the otehr side of a PC screen pointing fingers and throwing hissy fits cause they can’t see past their own noses?
I shouldn’t have let the things I enjoy be tainted by outside influences; not ones that can’t really do me any harm. I’m not interested enough in silly internet high-school bullshit; point your fingers, call me whatever the hell you like – no longer am I going to stop doing the things I enjoy just because other people want me too or are to self centred or paranoid that they think everything is theirs in the first place.
I found the traditional sketch for this in a pile the other day and felt the inclination to finish it off.
After everything that happened lately, I feel it’s pretty fitting too.
I am still working on my Art Recovery, with the help of The Artists Way, as such I am taking things slowly and one step at a time.
It’s nice knowing that I can still draw and am still creating things; and that people are happy and willing to do art trades with me. This is Saga, she belongs to CrazyOATCfan. Its always nice being able to draw things for other people and seeing other original characters.
Finished this bust picture yesterday – but seeing as I’d already posted, I thought I should wait until today.
This is my Inquisitor; Nicolai Hellbane.
And I have had this post open to share for ages! So, nothing else to say just posting!
In the hope to keep things going on here – after leaving them to go stale for a while – I thought I would share this sketch with everyone.
It is my Dark Heresy character, Nihilius, who I originally drew back in 2013 so this is something of a redraw too. Or will be when I get around too finishing it.
I might line it digitally, print it out and try some traditional colours – I am really not confident with my traditional inking stuff at the moment cause it has been an age! But it’s be awesome to be able to colour some of my own artwork with my coloured pencils again!
Anyway, Nihilius’ outfit design was inspired by the Boer War and the film Zulu. I wanted something a bit different – he is a Telepath Psyker and mind reads/rapes people and I wanted a look for him that didn’t go with his very ‘Grim dark’ setting/nature.
I had a bad afternoon today.
I tried doing some drawing and I told myself that it was too soon and that I wasn’t ready for it again – nor for the wave of bad feeling that came over me after I put the picture down.
I was overcome with negativity that brought my entire afternoon down – thinking what I had created didn’t look good enough. Whatever that means. And I just dwelt on the fact that the picture hadn’t turned out as I wanted it too and that I shouldn’t have bothered trying to draw again so soon into my ‘Artistic Recovery.’
I shouldn’t have been thinking this way and celebrated the fact that I had actually picked up my pencils and done a little bit of sketches. It’s all about bringing light and creating a little bit each day – improvement will come with time, effort and patience; like it has done prior to this.
I just wanted to write this and remind myself that it’s all about small steps and growing little by little; rather than beating myself up just because something didn’t look right.
I’ll bounce back soon enough and be dazzling you all with the wonderful things that I can create soon enough, but for now I have to be gentle with myself and not to harsh over the fact that a small thing didn’t look right or how I imagined it would.